Jules: this one's for you

This is where I barfed hard.
It was in my buddy Greg's back yard.
He hit me and my head's still scarred.
And my hair is full of fucking lard.

I know wheelbarrow-loads of cash can soothe all kinds of sores, but just how much money would it take to make an entire planet full of people laughing at you feel OK?

About

The Minister is a middle-aged, middle-class, extra-large male living in the ‘Northern Home Counties’/East of England. When he has no option or excuse to do otherwise the Minister practices the dark art of the law.

The Minister prefers to write in black ink (utilising blue ink only when in a bad mood) and thinks very poorly of anyone who uses Arial font.

For the avoidance of doubt, the Minister is neither ordained nor a politician. Allegations to the contrary will be referred to the Ministry for Justice.