Channel Five is all shit, isn't it? Christ, the crap they put on there. It's a waste of space...

I’m phoning it in.

I’ve been phoning it in for a while.

I’ve tried to deny it but I think it’s time for a bit of honesty.

I’ve always said that the only thing I would tolerate myself phoning in is the way I do my job.  (24.992% of the effort apparently gets you 99.968% of the results and I’m fucked if any employer has yet paid or respected me enough for me to sweat out any more than that.)

While the Ministry has at times been hard work - occasionally for the Minister as well as, more regularly, for you - I don’t want to end up hating it as I do my job.

Excepting December's music and movie list posts, my last proper post was on 21 November.  Whatever magic there was has now departed.

So this is the end, beautiful friend.  This is the end, my only friend.  The end.

Probably.

I’m hedging my bets slightly because there’s a vague possibility that PBD will infuriate me so much during the impending election campaign that I might just have to unload a few massive, steaming turds on his plastic-y, airbrushed head.

But if nothing has stirred by the time that toxic cunt moves in to Downing Street, the Ministry will be going to digital heaven.

The Minister will re-appear, elsewhere and in a different guise, in due course: if you want to know where, let me know and I’ll let you know.

Love, luck, light and life.

Poster

If you don't want to know the score, look away now

"Reet Petite” came from a generation away: a hit in 1957, and a hit very much of 1957 in its swinging, wisecracking urban R&B feel. As a listener I remember feeling completely alienated – not only did I think it was goofy but it felt like a betrayal of what I’d assumed the charts were for: showcasing new music, even if it wasn’t my new music. Adam Ant hits are as old now as “Reet Petite” was then

Sweet baby Jesus.

"Adam Ant hits are as old now as Reet Petite was then [in 1986-7]."

Happy Friday, everybody!

I got a lion in my pocket and, baby, he's ready to roar

So...

this

and

this.

Fantastic.

There are flaws in both ideas, but two thumbs up from this Ministry.

It's just a shame Arrivederci has sat there biting his fingernails for the past 18 months instead of actually bellowing this sort of stuff from the rooftops.

Because now it resembles nothing more than just one big, last-minute panic.

The People's Manifesto

The Manifesto is not so much a vision of the future as a slightly disturbed stare of inappropriate length into the navels of Mark Thomas’s audience. It is the result of touring the country for the best part of a year, collecting people's ideas to make the world a better place, then discussing them and voting to select a policy from each show. Every policy published in The People’s Manifesto is there by dint of having undergone this process.

Read it and weep.

Some people have no sense of humour

Dcam

The Minister's Wife won't let me send this back to PBD in the pre-paid envelope he and that nice Mr. Ashcroft have helpfully provided.

I don't see the problem myself.

It's either this or a turd...

Arrest Blair

Media_httpwwwarrestbl_zjzwj

J'approuve.

Policy? Did someone say policy?

via MyDavidCameron.com

(download)

About

The Minister is a middle-aged, middle-class, extra-large male living in the ‘Northern Home Counties’/East of England. When he has no option or excuse to do otherwise the Minister practices the dark art of the law.

The Minister prefers to write in black ink (utilising blue ink only when in a bad mood) and thinks very poorly of anyone who uses Arial font.

For the avoidance of doubt, the Minister is neither ordained nor a politician. Allegations to the contrary will be referred to the Ministry for Justice.